So if you have been following my blog you know I struggle with my weight. The motivation is on and off again and I guess boils down to psychologically I have not wanted it bad enough. I mean truly if you want something bad enough nothing is going to stop you. Instead I find excuses NOT to work out everywhere. I am a very busy person.... there is no denying that, yet I know I could find a way if it mattered to me enough.
This morning I hit rock bottom and when I say rock bottom I mean I ended up under the rock.I got up this morning and made my family homemade blueberry pancakes, sausage, and scrambled eggs. I ate two pancakes (very little syrup-- not a fan, some eggs, and one piece of sausage. After eating I sat at the table not feeling great and a light bulb went off~~~~ This is how I used to feel every time I ate when I was pregnant. Now don't worry I KNOW I am not pregnant so I tore through the hutch to find my old sugar meter. See through all 3 of my pregnancies I was VERY bad gestational diabetic. I am talking specialists and insulin shoots several times a day. My body stopped producing insulin while I was pregnant yet after giving birth my body would bounce back.
I am not going to talk about all the details but needless to say I knew then I needed to lose weight and take better care of my body. Fast forward two years after my last child was born..... the last few months I have felt off. When I say off I mean tired ALL the time, no energy, no drive. I am thirsty NON stop and just have told my husband something is wrong. Well that something hit be hard like a rock today.... After breakfast my sugar was 245..... one hour later 283, two hours later 300!!!! If you don't know about sugars.. ALL those numbers are bad and I mean VERY BAD.
I have spent all morning crying. See we are a one income family and my husband is the one that works. We love his job but it is a mom and pop place with no benefits. I am a full time college student and have three kids. The last time I checked on purchasing insurance I was quoted $475 (lowest) a month PLUS a $50,000 deductible. I am high risk because of my weight (250)...... well let me just tell you there is no way we can afford that and keep a roof over our kids' heads. I feel like a failure.... a failure to myself, a failure to my kids, and a failure to my husband. I knew this was coming if I did not do something to change my life around. Don't get me wrong I did change things.... all sodas have been banned from my kids (always have been), adults can not drink them in my house either. I drink water all the time and we have started eating better. Thats was not enough and I knew it was not enough.
I am worried. I don't know what to do or where to turn right now. I know I am not going to give up and I know where I have to go from here (up) but I am not sure I can. I have hit rock bottom and the only place to go is up. Just needing support, prayers, and motivation to turn it all around.