So I know I have kind of up and disappeared. My blog is not the only place that has happened from though. First let me preface this post by saying what you will be reading is 'me uncensored and real'. I know going into this that I will get some support and I will also get some fall out do to what I write. I guess thats with anything in life though, right?
July 12th it was announced I had been chosen as a Mamavation Mom. I could not have been more excited or happy at that moment. I mean Mamavation is the reason I began my weight loss journey back in April. It is the reason I have totaled a weight loss of over 30 pounds since April! For that I will forever be thankful to Leah and the ladies of Mamavation. Saying that though being a Mamavation Mom does not jive well with a home life that already has some issues. (I will explain more later in this post)
July 22nd -25th I spent in New Orleans with a
wonderful group of women bloggers brought together by Leah and Trisha (momdot). This trip
was fun but not what I expected going into it. I think being a
Mamavation Mom and going on trips like this is adding undue stress on an already stressful situation. I spent the entire weekend so stressed in what I could not do/eat that I did not enjoy myself in times I would normally have had a blast. I was so concerned with making the wonderful sponsors of Mamavation proud and making Leah proud that I actually did not get to be myself. I think it is funny I heard ladies spoke well of me at the end of the trip when in all honesty I left with fewer friends then I arrived with. There are certain ones I have not heard one word from since this trip. That is sad as these ladies are my biggest inspiration each day to do as I needed to. I look up to each and every one of them. I realized
I am not ready to be away from my kids and out of my 'comfort' zone.
Online people get the impression of a cookie cutter family; we are anything but. We struggle financially day to day. I will be 27 in just about 2 weeks and this is NOT where I thought my life would be. I thought I would have graduated from college, have a career , just be getting married and having kids, and own my own home. Instead I am a stay at home mom of two boys, never went to college, been divorced once, and rent a home. My husband works and lives two hours away and only comes home if he has 2 or more days off. We have our issues because of life's situations and for two years we have been on the brink of walking away. I recently found out I am pregnant. This came as a complete shock as I am on the mini-pill. Just after finding out I was pregnant and dealing with the fact I am not happy about this pregnancy.... I spend a night in the hospital. I was told there are some serious issues with this pregnancy.
My HCG is 35,000
There is a bleed near the sac in my uterus (no tubal)
I have a cyst on my right ovary and it is desinigrating (should not be till about 14 weeks)
There are two sacs but one has debris in it and is not viable
Sac two has nothing in it
Dr said I have a 50/50 chance right at this moment. I have to have a follow up later this week and see where my progesterone is (may need supplements, had those when I was preg with ds last year)
Ken and I thought again very heavily Monday about walking away from our marriage. We love each other more than anything in this world but we realize neither one of us is happy right now. After hours of batteling knowing we are to
stubborn,
hard headed, in love to not fight for our marriage; I made a counseling appointment. I have dropped out of Mamavation and I am sorry for everyone I have let down. I had two weeks to go but between this pregnancy and everything I felt this was best. Know this was never my intent. I will not be joining in on Mamavation as I know I can finish this journey on my own. I now have the confidence and tools to succeed. I will still be posting updates on my journey here on my blog.
I want to take this chance to one more time thank all the Mamavation sponsors. These are amazing companies and deserve much love.
Earth Footwear,
Smooth Fitness,
EA Sports Active, and
Chef’s Requested ,
Pete Cohen,
Dr. Renna, and
Tracey Mallet
I did not receive my treadmill so I can not really comment on that although how amazing is it from this company to give to much deserving moms. I truly will look into their treadmills at tax time as I really think this will help me continue my weight loss journey. I know as far as the rest of the companies you have me as a customer for life. Thank you for your help with my journey.
To my readers, I ask you from the bottom of my heart to keep my family and me in your thoughts and prayers. We need them now more than ever. Know that no family/life is perfect no matter how they are portrayed. I will also share (without great detail) our journey to making our family whole again. Your support means the world to me!
(edited with bold so maybe my true feelings will come through instead of people telling me how awful I am. This post is about
ME no one else!)
